The past two years

 A great deal has happened in the last two years - my checkups have continued to be good, I’m able to do much more. I’ve been decluttering as fast as possible, with several trips to the dump. 

Unfortunately, 2020 brought a pandemic and the world (especially mine) came to a halt. I’m extremely lucky that I live with my son. He’s the one going out to the grocery store weekly and doing most of the contact with the outside world. My trips have been to the doctor and pharmacy with rare trips to a store or the credit union. 

There is a vaccine now and, where I live, I can now make an appointment to get it. I hope it’s a quick process and I hope my sons and family can be vaccinated soon. In the meantime, I have plenty of masks, soap, bleach and, as I said, I stay home most of the time.

Our political landscape has been chaotic to say the least. I’ve said many times I never thought I’d see an African-American as President but I did. I never thought I’d live to see a woman elected but now I have. And I could never have anticipated seeing an insurrection - an attack at the US Capitol. But I have. I admit to being scared and shaken - and grateful that things didn’t get worse. 

I’ve high hopes for 2021 - it may take some time, but things will calm down. Fingers crossed. 

May 2019

Wow - I've been remiss in not posting more often in the past year - but, then again, things have been going fairly well!

It's been over a year since chemotherapy ended and my surgery (March and April 2018) and, in July, it will be a year since radiation ended.  Milestones!  I will admit to feeling relieved when I was finally able to "ring the bell" when I had my last radiation treatment!  They weren't horrible (only lasted about 10 minutes) but the fact that "treatments" were over was amazing!

In the months that followed, I've had good reports from my oncologist, surgeon and radiologist - the only down side is that I must take medication daily for the next 7 years.  One side effect of this medicine is bone loss and joint/bone pain.  Since my bone density showed osteoporosis, that means I'm also taking a weekly pill to boost my bones!  Another effect is weight gain and I'm fighting that as best I can.  Losing 60 pounds was painful yet a silver lining to the chemo cloud and, although about 10 pounds are back on (😦) most of the weight is still off and the "new" clothes I had to get still fit!

I'm doing more around the house, engaging more with friends and family and generally having a good time.  My Life Is Good!

Survivorship

It's almost the end of the year and things are winding down - cancer wise anyway.  I saw my surgeon earlier this week and my radiologist today.  In between visits I had a mammogram.  For both the surgeon and radiologist I'm now on the 6 month plan!  I see them both in May 2019.  I see my oncologist in December and we'll see how that goes!  My mammogram was clear so my next one is December 2019. 

Things are getting back to normal - or as normal as it gets when my feet ache all the time (but I intend to ignore it as much as possible) and my hair is wild, fine and extremely white!  It's been a wild and terrifying 16 months and I'm not sure how I should feel about that.  I know there are people who lament and get angry but I didn't and I'm not angry.  I'm not depressed, although I would have preferred not to have had cancer, chemo, radiation and/or surgery it's over and behind me.  I think I'm more than this disease and I refuse to let it dictate what I do or feel.  At the same time, that feels preachy and I don't want to do that either. 

Guess all I can do is live the life I've been given - which, all-in-all is a pretty darn good one. 

End of the Beginning

On August 28, 2017 I had my medi-port installed - and that Thursday I had my first chemo treatment.  On August 22, 2018 I'll have the medi-port removed signalling the end of treatment! It's definitely a milestone!

Radiation ended July 25th and, since then, I've been healing.  My skin under my arm got really black before it peeled and is now a nice pinkish color.  There are still areas that show damage from the radiation, but they're healing and I didn't blister (which is good).  Some of the Sharpie marks are still there too but they're fading with every shower.  It's great not to have every day appointments any longer - I've been told I'm "transitioning into survivorship" - monthly appointments for a while then 6 months, etc. 

So, it's really the end of the beginning!

I'm taking Letrozole to help prevent a recurrence - my cancer is hormone dependent and the letrozole blocks estrogen from attaching to the cells - hence no growth.  In addition it can have detrimental effect on bones - causing bone loss.  Not good, especially when my bone density test showed osteoporosis - not terribly unusual I suppose given my age (!).  So, I'm also now taking Fosomax once a week.  Haven't noticed any problems with either medicine except when it rains or storms - then I have terrible bone/joint pain.  Luckily it's nothing that Aleve can't handle!

Anyway - I'm glad for the end of the beginning and the the beginning of my new normal - which doesn't look so bad right now!

Closer to the end

I just noticed that it's been a long time since I last posted - since March 4, chemo ended; surgery was April 27 (went very well - no pain, minimal upset from the drains and no problems sleeping!) and I started radiation. 

Week 5 (of 6) starts in two days so I'm almost finished with that too - another step on the road to recovery! Radiation itself lasts about 8 minutes from the time I walk into the room until I'm dressed again - so it isn't long at all.  It is every day Monday - Friday so that can be annoying sometimes.  I haven't had bad reactions (at least not yet) but there is some redness of my skin (I use ointment) and a wee bit of nausea that quickly passes.

I'm also taking Letrozole which is a synthetic hormone that blocks the hormone receptors on my cells so that real estrogen can't get there and cause additional cancers.  So far that's working well too - no major bone pain but I do have to take more Vitamin D to combat bone loss.  All in all I can see a light at the end of this tunnel - and it should be almost exactly 1 year after I first went to the doctor because my right breast didn't look right.

I haven't really been depressed through all of this - I've had wonderful support from family and friends and certainly couldn't have done nearly as well without the caregiving of my son - I have thought about the strangeness of it all - I never thought about my getting breast cancer, never thought about having a breast removed or undergoing chemo and radiation.  Sometimes I think about how strange it all feels.  I do think I'm very lucky to live right now - there are so many advances all the time in treatments.  I'm near a good hospital and oncology center, I have a wonderful oncologist and all the people I've met through chemo, surgery and radiation have been wonderful.

Phase One

It's the beginning of March and there are two more sessions of chemotherapy before surgery.  I guess this is the end of phase one of the process - it's been an ordeal that's for sure.

I've lost almost 60 pounds but maybe that's a good thing because I've read that some of the drugs I need to take after surgery can cause weight gain - of course, apparently, chemo can cause weight gain in others but certainly not me. 

I think I've decided to have the mastectomy without reconstruction.  I'm really not interested in more surgery (to replace the tissue expanders) and an additional 4-8 months of trips to the doctor for fluids (for the expanders) and possible additional pain from surgery to find skin (should there not be enough left after the removal).  All in all, I do know that I'd like this to be over - to move forward with my new normal and to get on with my life.  The surgeon said she didn't want me to regret this decision in 5 years - I said that in 5 years I'll be 73 and I doubt it will really matter! 

I'm doing ok for the most part - great family (of course); excellent caregiver (who worries more than I do); wonderful friends and a great medical team.  But I'm tired - tired of feeling less than 100%; of being weak; of being tired! 😊

Progress is slow but it is happening - one baby step at a time.

Abraxane

The new drug, in place of the Taxol, is called Abraxane - it is so much better, primarily because I'm not having an allergic reaction to it, but there are some side effects.  The first one that I had was muscle and bone aches in my legs.  Uncomfortable but not horrible, especially since I could take Aleve and alternate that with Tylenol.  It only lasted a couple of days and then eased up a lot.  The second side effect was more annoying and made life harder - diarrhea.  It would start with actually not going at all one day, then abdominal pain and the beginnings of looseness the next.  The first week was about 3 days, the second seemed to start sooner and be a little worse.  It is controllable (I am allowed to take Imodium) but honestly, that didn't seem to make much difference in the length of time it lasted.  It's almost at an end when the tremendous gas pains begin but, was still in effect enough today that I had to cancel a lunch out with a friend - I certainly didn't want to be somewhere, eat something and have to make emergency trips to the bathroom!

Luckily I have wonderful friends who understand my inability to plan more than 5 minutes (or so it seems) and are adaptable to my side effects! 

The good news about this treatment (there are 12 in total and this Thursday will be #10 counting down from 12) is that it's for three weeks with a week off - so I'm treatment free the Thursday before Christmas and should be feeling fine with all side effects behind me!  At that time I'll also be in single digits for the number of treatments left!  YIPPEE!!

I have a meeting this Friday with my surgeon - have lots of questions for her.  I've been on a board on Facebook for cancer patients (not all breast cancer) and have heard some things I definitely need clarified - for instance - tissue expanders - will I need them??  I'm not sure I want to have them as I've heard that some women have them for months (or longer).  I want this to be over and not to delay anything!  If the reconstruction is done immediately (without expanders necessary) and recovery can then begin, it's one thing.  Otherwise - flat isn't so bad!  I'm not 20 anymore - don't really care what I look like to other people.  Hopefully she'll have answers!  PS I have high hopes, since the oncologist said that by simply squeezing my breast, he couldn't feel the lump anymore (and neither can I really) that the lump has shrunk enough to make the surgery easier.  I'll find out!