What Not to Say

Many years ago I was called into my supervisor's office and asked to sit down.  She then told me that she'd had complaints, from co-workers and customers, that I wasn't happy.  I sat there for several seconds, astonished.  Complaints?  About being happy?  What was I not doing?  She continued that I wasn't smiling.  Smiling?  Is that a requirement and, if so, how much is appropriate?  These were some of the questions going through my head.  Aloud I asked which co-workers had complained so that I could speak with them personally to clarify what they were upset about.  Customers I didn't contact as much so they would be more difficult to talk to but co-workers - they could have come to me directly if they had concerns.  I didn't get answers, of course, and left her office confused, upset and confounded as to what I should do.

No,  I wasn't happy.  I frequently cried in the shower and in the car on the way to work.  I would have explained this to any co-worker who'd come to me with concerns about my happiness.  I was terrified all the time.  My husband had died only a couple of months before and I was suddenly all alone and responsible for raising two teenagers, worried if we would have to move, if there would be enough money every month, worried if we'd come through this particular storm.  I was dealing with probate court, the VA, Social Security, banks and various investments.  

But I thought things were going adequately at work.  I was helping customers find the materials they needed, I was working the desk, doing my programs, whatever was asked of me.  I was holding it all together.  That meeting with my supervisor was a staggering blow and, needless to say, I went home crying (again) only to pull myself together so that the boys wouldn't see how terribly scared I was.

Many people say they don't know what to say or do when someone dies.  I don't know either but I do know that telling people who've experienced such a horrible loss that they don't look happy isn't what you should say.  Instead ask if  they'd like to talk or just sit quietly away from everyone and everything in a place that isn't home.  Whatever you say, don't make them feel worse about themselves, they're in enough pain as it is.  Don't leave a memory as hurtful as the one that's stayed with me over 25 years.

2016 Election Cycle

I'm so totally over the election - the whole thing. I remember the election of 1964 - the one people were talking about at the conventions where Johnson had the commercial about the little girl playing when a nuclear explosion occurred. It was scary!

I lived in NOVA - about 8 miles (by air, certainly NOT by land!) from the capitol dome. We knew duck & cover was a joke - we'd be taken by the shock wave if the fire ball didn't get us. My Dad had a "get out of Washington" card that didn't include the family (early 60s). It's when the chemical symbol for gold was etched upon my brain because Goldwater's slogan was AUH2O!

There was scary stuff going on in the 60s but it never seemed as nasty as it does now. Johnson said Goldwater was unqualified and vice versa but he didn't call him "Crooked" or "Lying". Johnson's commercial said you can't trust Goldwater to do the right thing but it didn't say he was a traitor or stupid. Those who don't study the past are doomed to repeat it - isolationism didn't work for us prior to WWI and we were far less interconnected than we are now.

I'm heart sick that my country can apparently be so bigoted, narrow minded and hateful. I hope for the future but am worried about getting there - especially as a "whole" nation and not a bunch of separate entities.