What Not to Say

Many years ago I was called into my supervisor's office and asked to sit down.  She then told me that she'd had complaints, from co-workers and customers, that I wasn't happy.  I sat there for several seconds, astonished.  Complaints?  About being happy?  What was I not doing?  She continued that I wasn't smiling.  Smiling?  Is that a requirement and, if so, how much is appropriate?  These were some of the questions going through my head.  Aloud I asked which co-workers had complained so that I could speak with them personally to clarify what they were upset about.  Customers I didn't contact as much so they would be more difficult to talk to but co-workers - they could have come to me directly if they had concerns.  I didn't get answers, of course, and left her office confused, upset and confounded as to what I should do.

No,  I wasn't happy.  I frequently cried in the shower and in the car on the way to work.  I would have explained this to any co-worker who'd come to me with concerns about my happiness.  I was terrified all the time.  My husband had died only a couple of months before and I was suddenly all alone and responsible for raising two teenagers, worried if we would have to move, if there would be enough money every month, worried if we'd come through this particular storm.  I was dealing with probate court, the VA, Social Security, banks and various investments.  

But I thought things were going adequately at work.  I was helping customers find the materials they needed, I was working the desk, doing my programs, whatever was asked of me.  I was holding it all together.  That meeting with my supervisor was a staggering blow and, needless to say, I went home crying (again) only to pull myself together so that the boys wouldn't see how terribly scared I was.

Many people say they don't know what to say or do when someone dies.  I don't know either but I do know that telling people who've experienced such a horrible loss that they don't look happy isn't what you should say.  Instead ask if  they'd like to talk or just sit quietly away from everyone and everything in a place that isn't home.  Whatever you say, don't make them feel worse about themselves, they're in enough pain as it is.  Don't leave a memory as hurtful as the one that's stayed with me over 25 years.

2016 Election Cycle

I'm so totally over the election - the whole thing. I remember the election of 1964 - the one people were talking about at the conventions where Johnson had the commercial about the little girl playing when a nuclear explosion occurred. It was scary!

I lived in NOVA - about 8 miles (by air, certainly NOT by land!) from the capitol dome. We knew duck & cover was a joke - we'd be taken by the shock wave if the fire ball didn't get us. My Dad had a "get out of Washington" card that didn't include the family (early 60s). It's when the chemical symbol for gold was etched upon my brain because Goldwater's slogan was AUH2O!

There was scary stuff going on in the 60s but it never seemed as nasty as it does now. Johnson said Goldwater was unqualified and vice versa but he didn't call him "Crooked" or "Lying". Johnson's commercial said you can't trust Goldwater to do the right thing but it didn't say he was a traitor or stupid. Those who don't study the past are doomed to repeat it - isolationism didn't work for us prior to WWI and we were far less interconnected than we are now.

I'm heart sick that my country can apparently be so bigoted, narrow minded and hateful. I hope for the future but am worried about getting there - especially as a "whole" nation and not a bunch of separate entities.

Retirement

It's been 10 months since I retired and I must admit that I'm enjoying the slower pace of my days.  I haven't filled my days with "stuff" in that I don't have a lot of charity events or volunteering days - I'm simply enjoying being at home and quiet.

I was lucky to be a stay-at-home Mom before that term was ever used. But my days then were packed with kids, chores and errands - someone always needed something and there was school to prepare for, lunches to make, etc.  This time is different.  There aren't toys to pick up (except the dog's toys before I vacuum), there's no one to bathe or change or get into the car.  This is definitely a slower time and I find that it suits me perfectly.

I watch TV, hang laundry out on the line (haven't done that in ages), read and just "be".  I have found pleasure in playing Mahjong at the library (go figure) and enjoy the companionship and social interaction.  I meet friends for lunch and gossip but on an average day spend a great deal of time alone - reading, thinking, being.

It's a good time - a slower time - and a time that was due!

WOW

So much has happened since I lasted posted.

One of the biggest, I suppose, is that I retired.  After 30 years in the same agency, it was more than time to move on!  There were (are) major changes coming and I'd reached the point where I just didn't have another major change in me!  It was a great run and I thoroughly enjoyed my job but I must admit I enjoy not having to go to work every day.

The absolute biggest was, without a doubt, the birth of my grandson, Erik on October 12, 2015.  He is beautiful and wonderful.  It's such a joy having him around - who knew!!  Watching him change with each day is exciting.

I've had work done at the townhouse and, tomorrow, work is going to be scheduled for my house. Does it never end?  As soon as I think I may have a bit of respite or a bit of money left to do something I'd truly like to do, along comes another "chore" that must be done!!  I was hoping to wait for next year but this can't be put off even those few short weeks remaining.

I'm going to plan some day trips, short driving trips for the new year - maybe even a trip down to Florida - who knows.  I don't have any family down there anymore but it might be nice to get to warmer weather this winter - although so far the weather here has been wonderful.

A New Toy

I ordered a new cover for my iPad - two of the others I have are becoming a bit frayed around the edges - this one has the added advantage of a bluetooth keyboard!  It certainly is small, yet very easy to use - particularly since there is great "feel" to the keys.  I'm hoping that it will be useful - particularly for taking notes etc. during meetings.  Of course there aren't many meetings left in my library career!

  

Luckily, the keyboard will also link to my phone which might come in handy for texting especially since my fingers don't fit the phone keyboard easily - especially in portrait mode. 

Regardless - I'm enjoying the keyboard and I'm sure I'll use it often.  And thank you Amazon Prime - I was able to order it Wednesday evening and get it Friday morning!!  YAY!!

Time passing

Things are moving forward.  On Feb. 27th I met with the City's retirement person and signed the necessary papers to apply for retirement.  (YIKES)  Next week I have an appointment with Social Security to do the necessary paperwork for Medicare and find out if Harry's SS is going to be higher than mine (I think it is) and get everything ready.

We're checking out materials for March 24 - so it seems like March is almost over already!  The perils of living 3 weeks in the future!  Time is certainly passing quickly and before I know it, it will be May and my career will be coming to an end.

As I said in my email to my boss - it's never easy making large, important changes but there are times when it's necessary.  I've enjoyed every one of the 30 years I've been working but it's time to step aside and let someone else have the fun.  I'll miss the people with whom I work but I don't know that I'll miss the daily work.  I'll have to see.

Wow

It's been an interesting couple of weeks - about a week ago, I came home to find a message from a cousin whom I haven't seen or heard from in about 30 years.  I haven't had a chance to call her back due to work, etc. but I'm certainly planning on returning her call and reconnecting.  Then today a trip to the mailbox brought a card from another cousin whom I haven't seen in over 50 years.  She said that she'd sent me a Facebook message but I certainly don't remember getting one (and there is another Diane Wetterlin in the world!) so I sent her a FB message this evening.  We'll see what happens.

After all these years, to have voices from the past - two different families in the same week - mind boggling!