Pain, Sorrow, Fear

My brother is in the hospital - he had a heart attack Wednesday afternoon and has been in a coma since then.  My sister-in-law called about 10:30 Wednesday night and my life (not to mention hers) hasn't been the same since.  When she called, A said that it didn't look good - the neurologist was going to re-evaluate Thursday.  It's now Friday and the prognosis is still very guarded. 

When my mother and father brought home my baby brother from the hospital in Colorado Springs, my mother said that I ran to him and stated very firmly that he was "my baby".  (I was 16 months old at the time!)  Since then we've lived most of our adult lives in different parts of this state and others.  We didn't see each other all that often - but I always knew that he was there and would help however he could and I can only hope that he knew the same thing about me.  After he retired, my brother and sister-in-law moved to Florida and lived near my mother.  I saw them more whenever I visited Mom. 

Mom died a year ago (this coming Sunday) and the irony is not lost on me.  My brother shouldered all of the work surrounding Mom's care (and my step-father's before his death in 2004).  He finally had his life to himself - he and A could take vacations, trips or just do nothing without having to worry about anyone else.  His daughter was engaged in January and his son was engaged just a month or so ago.  So much to live for, so much fun in the future.

No one ever said life was fair - but this simply SUCKS big time.  I'm trying very very hard to remain hopeful and I know that my brother is a strong person but I'm really, really afraid.  I don't know if anyone reads this - but if you stumble across it - please say a prayer or send good vibes to my brother - he needs them and so do I.

"He's My Baby" - love you T - always have and always will . . . be better soon . . .

Time Passages . . .

Two weeks until a big milestone in my life - you know I never thought of myself being this age - I don't know why - I always did see myself as grown up, a mother, an adult - but never a "senior citizen".  *SIGH*

Well I'm not the kind to live in the past

The years run too short and the days too fast

The things you lean on are the things that don't last

Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these

Time passages

There's something back here that you left behind

Oh time passages

Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight

......................Al Stewart

Uncertainty and Waiting

We're getting closer and closer to budget passage time. The final budget vote is May 11, however, after May 4 things are about complete. In fact I would say that by the end of next week things will be pretty close to finalized.

There's a lot of uncertainty in the air – are hours changing? Are people going to be moved around? How will those choices be made? Who will be left? All the unknowns lead to more and more stress and upset – change is hard enough, not knowing and having to wait for what seems like forever makes it just that much harder.

40 Years . . .

I remember well what I was doing when Apollo 13 launched - I was home from college, it was Saturday, and doing laundry (probably)! I remember even more what I was doing 6 days later - watching news coverage and holding my breath that they would splash down safely.  Thankfully they did and the whole nation breathed a sigh of relief!

Dixie Carter . . . May '39 - April '10

RIP Dixie - I loved Designing Women and especially Julia Sugarbaker!

I always wanted to be that self-assured - maybe I need(ed) better writers - doing my own scripts simply didn't (doesn't) work as well!

News and How I Get It

I stopped getting the newspaper delivered some time ago - it was piling up and going unread more than it was being read - and, by the time I did read it, the news was old.  So my news reading is now done online.

I must say that the experience is entirely different!  I used to enjoy sitting down with the paper - opening the sections, snapping the pages in half and settling in (however, I've discovered our paper is now MUCH smaller that it used to be and not only in the amount of content - but the actual physical size of the page - not nearly as satisfying!)  The online version gives the same information (without many of the pictures but that's ok) along with comments from readers.

I read the comments (even those from people I consider to be on the fringe or even over the edge) but I don't find that they add a lot to the discourse.  Many are rants, many are totally off-topic and most contain extensive misspellings (a pet peeve). 

Recently the news concerning the budget has been in the news.  MPOW is a small portion of the overall budget and that part is not getting a lot of play (which may or may not be a good thing) but there are cuts and recommendations for revenue increases that have elicited a great deal of ire among the commenters.  I'm not certain what I think about all the coverage - I know what we're giving up and I know what the additional revenue will provide - but I am also a resident of this locale - and I'm not sure that I want increases in my tax rates either. 

This economic mess has been horrible - we've been lucky here, we've not been dramatically affected until now - and it may just be that drastic efforts are needed all around.  I'm willing to do my part as long as everyone has to participate! 

Anyway - days of my getting a daily newspaper are over - but I'm still uncertain that the online version is a truly acceptable alternative.  Maybe I'd be happier if the comments added to the story and provided thoughtful discourse - but, based on what I've been reading, that's just not going to happen.

So Sad . . . .

This was my grandmother's house (and before that my great-grandparent's house).

My grandmother has been gone for a long time - and I've watched the house from afar - a few years ago it was listed for $130,000.   In January (this year) I saw it was in foreclosure and listed for $29,000.

Today I checked (I was REALLY tempted at $29,000!) and saw this:

110 College St Holly MI 48442

4 beds, 1.0 baths, 1,462 sq ft

Close

Recently Sold: $14,150

Really??? $14,150????  I'm really tempted to contact the new owner and offer $20,000 to see if they'll take it.  I know the house will/does need a lot of work - but I've always loved that house - and I've paid more for a car than this person did for this house.

SAD . . . I'm very sad.

People . . .

I don't understand people most of the time and I truly don't understand some people any of the time!  Makes doing a job in customer service more difficult once in a while but usually the confusion about people isn't about customers or people who are only marginally known - it's more common that the confusion concerns those known longer or (seemingly) better.

It begs the question - how well do we know those whom we consider "close" or, at the very least, friends?  And, once those bonds are broken, for whatever reason, the damage can be quite extensive for some people, particularly those who truly believed that they did "know" the person.  Luckily, unless the other person involved is part of my family, I tend not to be as emotionally involved.  That doesn't lessen feelings of disappointment and incredulity when something happens but it does tend to greatly lessen  feelings of betrayal, loss and pain.

I understand when others are affected by the results of another's actions but I don't have a great deal of sympathy (or empathy) for those who caused this collateral pain by their actions.  I have always enjoyed psychology . . studying it and reading about it . . but, while why someone does something is interesting, there has to be REALLY extenuating circumstances before I'm pulled in emotionally.  I'm much more likely to say "what were you thinking?" or "were you actually thinking?" or "was your head with you ALL day?" than I am to say "you must have been really confused" or whatever.  (Probably the reason I never went into counseling huh??!!)

Once a situation has been resolved, I don't lose sleep, stop eating (that might be a plus . . . humm . . . ) or really think about the actions or the person commiting them.  It's done, move on.  But I do ponder the abstract WHY behind the actions - but not too long!