The new drug, in place of the Taxol, is called Abraxane - it is so much better, primarily because I'm not having an allergic reaction to it, but there are some side effects. The first one that I had was muscle and bone aches in my legs. Uncomfortable but not horrible, especially since I could take Aleve and alternate that with Tylenol. It only lasted a couple of days and then eased up a lot. The second side effect was more annoying and made life harder - diarrhea. It would start with actually not going at all one day, then abdominal pain and the beginnings of looseness the next. The first week was about 3 days, the second seemed to start sooner and be a little worse. It is controllable (I am allowed to take Imodium) but honestly, that didn't seem to make much difference in the length of time it lasted. It's almost at an end when the tremendous gas pains begin but, was still in effect enough today that I had to cancel a lunch out with a friend - I certainly didn't want to be somewhere, eat something and have to make emergency trips to the bathroom!
Luckily I have wonderful friends who understand my inability to plan more than 5 minutes (or so it seems) and are adaptable to my side effects!
The good news about this treatment (there are 12 in total and this Thursday will be #10 counting down from 12) is that it's for three weeks with a week off - so I'm treatment free the Thursday before Christmas and should be feeling fine with all side effects behind me! At that time I'll also be in single digits for the number of treatments left! YIPPEE!!
I have a meeting this Friday with my surgeon - have lots of questions for her. I've been on a board on Facebook for cancer patients (not all breast cancer) and have heard some things I definitely need clarified - for instance - tissue expanders - will I need them?? I'm not sure I want to have them as I've heard that some women have them for months (or longer). I want this to be over and not to delay anything! If the reconstruction is done immediately (without expanders necessary) and recovery can then begin, it's one thing. Otherwise - flat isn't so bad! I'm not 20 anymore - don't really care what I look like to other people. Hopefully she'll have answers! PS I have high hopes, since the oncologist said that by simply squeezing my breast, he couldn't feel the lump anymore (and neither can I really) that the lump has shrunk enough to make the surgery easier. I'll find out!
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Friday, December 1, 2017
A long time
It's been over 6 weeks since I posted last and a lot has happened. After the last A/C treatment, I didn't bounce back at all - in fact I got worse. The diarrhea got worse, I could barely eat or even get out of bed. I went weekly for my blood work and it wasn't getting better - I got fluids twice and that helped for a couple of days but then I was back in the same predicament. Finally, on November 9, at my meeting with the doctor to start the next round of treatment with Taxol, the doctor said, "we're going to admit you to the hospital and see what's causing this". By this time I was losing 5-7 pounds per week - not good!
That was a Thursday and I went into the hospital. They finally were able to get the samples they needed for testing in the next day or so and found that I had an aggressive intestinal bacterial infection that meant that I was in isolation and anyone visiting had to wear gown and gloves and not touch me. 😓 It was definitely scary, especially when the first antibiotic didn't work. I was switched to an oral antibiotic - vancomycin which, along with probiotics and Questran did work. Gradually things got better. I was receiving fluids and lots of enzymes as my levels were way down but eventually I was able to go home the Tuesday after I arrived. I was SO happy to be back home, even with a strict regimen of pills and oral meds to take. Each day I got stronger, ate more, drank the right amount and best of all, intestinal functions improved! I was lucky to have the wise counsel of friends who were familiar with the disease and could ease some fears!
I was well enough to restart the next round of treatment with Taxol Thanksgiving week but it didn't go well at all. There is a reaction to the drug in very few people, but, of course, I was one. After only 4 minutes of receiving the drug, I was horribly flushed, my lower back was in agony (going down my legs), my stomach was cramping and I was vomiting. Not fun at all! They stopped the medicine, pushed saline and then gave me Ativan to calm me down (after determining I hadn't driven myself!). Once I got home, and was calm, I felt much better.
The next week (this past Thursday), I met again with the doctor who said that the reaction isn't actually to the Taxol but to the protein its bonded to for delivery. Apparently that protein and I don't get along at all! We started a different drug - similar but not with the same protein - and that treatment went well. I feel great - still eating, drinking and now I'm able to get out on my own!
It was so funny, a few days after I got out of the hospital, I felt well enough to drive myself to the bank and deposit some checks. My son laughed at me and said "what, you want to drive your new car"?? He's put many more miles on it than I have, driving me to the doctor's, the hospital and getting groceries in the time when I'm getting treatment! I'm so very lucky to have such a great caregiver with me - I don't know what I'd do without him around.
It's been three days since the treatment and I've not experienced any noticeable effects so I'm hopeful this will continue and that this treatment will be successful. It's one more step along the way - I certainly don't want to go back to the way I was in October and early November.
That was a Thursday and I went into the hospital. They finally were able to get the samples they needed for testing in the next day or so and found that I had an aggressive intestinal bacterial infection that meant that I was in isolation and anyone visiting had to wear gown and gloves and not touch me. 😓 It was definitely scary, especially when the first antibiotic didn't work. I was switched to an oral antibiotic - vancomycin which, along with probiotics and Questran did work. Gradually things got better. I was receiving fluids and lots of enzymes as my levels were way down but eventually I was able to go home the Tuesday after I arrived. I was SO happy to be back home, even with a strict regimen of pills and oral meds to take. Each day I got stronger, ate more, drank the right amount and best of all, intestinal functions improved! I was lucky to have the wise counsel of friends who were familiar with the disease and could ease some fears!
I was well enough to restart the next round of treatment with Taxol Thanksgiving week but it didn't go well at all. There is a reaction to the drug in very few people, but, of course, I was one. After only 4 minutes of receiving the drug, I was horribly flushed, my lower back was in agony (going down my legs), my stomach was cramping and I was vomiting. Not fun at all! They stopped the medicine, pushed saline and then gave me Ativan to calm me down (after determining I hadn't driven myself!). Once I got home, and was calm, I felt much better.
The next week (this past Thursday), I met again with the doctor who said that the reaction isn't actually to the Taxol but to the protein its bonded to for delivery. Apparently that protein and I don't get along at all! We started a different drug - similar but not with the same protein - and that treatment went well. I feel great - still eating, drinking and now I'm able to get out on my own!
It was so funny, a few days after I got out of the hospital, I felt well enough to drive myself to the bank and deposit some checks. My son laughed at me and said "what, you want to drive your new car"?? He's put many more miles on it than I have, driving me to the doctor's, the hospital and getting groceries in the time when I'm getting treatment! I'm so very lucky to have such a great caregiver with me - I don't know what I'd do without him around.
It's been three days since the treatment and I've not experienced any noticeable effects so I'm hopeful this will continue and that this treatment will be successful. It's one more step along the way - I certainly don't want to go back to the way I was in October and early November.
Friday, October 20, 2017
Fourth Treatment - DONE
The two weeks between treatment three and four were horrific. There isn't another word to describe the misery of those two weeks. Extreme gastric problems (which I won't elaborate except to say prescription medication became necessary); lack of appetite to the point of very little food intake (to the concern of my caregiver); lethargy and finally, IV fluids were required despite the fact that I was, indeed, drinking water. I lost 5 pounds in those two weeks.
My blood work was very bad at the 1 week testing - white count down extremely low - it drops each time but never this low - and it rebounds by the next week which it also did this time but not as far. Because of that and to keep the count from dropping so low, the last treatment dosage was lowered 25%. Here's hoping that the lower dose keeps the blood work positive and also lessens the effects of the treatment. I don't want to relive those two weeks - even if this treatment (4) is the LAST of the dual-drugs!!
I asked (and received) an extra week off between this last dual-drug treatment and the start of the single drug weekly treatment. Hopefully, as I told the doctor, I'll have more than 2 days where I feel 90% like a real human! Everyone I've talked to, including my wonderful chemo nurse, has assured me that the single drug (Taxol) is much less severe than the others and won't affect me as much. I was seated next to a woman who was getting her first Taxol treatment (she's a step ahead of me) and, unfortunately, she had a rather immediate reaction to the meds. The nurses knew just what to do, stopping the meds, giving her benedryl and within a few minutes she was fine. Apparently she's not allergic to the med but to an additive in the delivery system - I'm not allergic to many things and I sincerely hope this isn't one! We'll see in three weeks!
On the positive front (and there definitely was positive news) - the doctor did say that my treatment has been aggressive and, people over 65 (ME) can be more affected than younger people. However, doing a cursory exam he said he could no longer feel the lump (which was not the case 6 weeks ago) so he was encouraged that it had reduced that much with only 3 treatments (the fourth was yet to be administered). Any time he's encouraged, I certainly am! On a secondary note - I've been trying since July to lose a few pounds and as of yesterday I've lost 24!! The past few weeks haven't been a recommended diet but the first pounds off were simply by limiting (not eliminating) carbs in my diet and that was slower (of course) but effective. I'll take all the positive news I can get!
I have wonderful friends and family who are very supportive. I love all the cards, FB comments, Messenger messages, phone calls and gifts. I can't say enough how much it means to me and how much all the people are important in my life. Y'all are the best!! 💗💕
My blood work was very bad at the 1 week testing - white count down extremely low - it drops each time but never this low - and it rebounds by the next week which it also did this time but not as far. Because of that and to keep the count from dropping so low, the last treatment dosage was lowered 25%. Here's hoping that the lower dose keeps the blood work positive and also lessens the effects of the treatment. I don't want to relive those two weeks - even if this treatment (4) is the LAST of the dual-drugs!!
I asked (and received) an extra week off between this last dual-drug treatment and the start of the single drug weekly treatment. Hopefully, as I told the doctor, I'll have more than 2 days where I feel 90% like a real human! Everyone I've talked to, including my wonderful chemo nurse, has assured me that the single drug (Taxol) is much less severe than the others and won't affect me as much. I was seated next to a woman who was getting her first Taxol treatment (she's a step ahead of me) and, unfortunately, she had a rather immediate reaction to the meds. The nurses knew just what to do, stopping the meds, giving her benedryl and within a few minutes she was fine. Apparently she's not allergic to the med but to an additive in the delivery system - I'm not allergic to many things and I sincerely hope this isn't one! We'll see in three weeks!
On the positive front (and there definitely was positive news) - the doctor did say that my treatment has been aggressive and, people over 65 (ME) can be more affected than younger people. However, doing a cursory exam he said he could no longer feel the lump (which was not the case 6 weeks ago) so he was encouraged that it had reduced that much with only 3 treatments (the fourth was yet to be administered). Any time he's encouraged, I certainly am! On a secondary note - I've been trying since July to lose a few pounds and as of yesterday I've lost 24!! The past few weeks haven't been a recommended diet but the first pounds off were simply by limiting (not eliminating) carbs in my diet and that was slower (of course) but effective. I'll take all the positive news I can get!
I have wonderful friends and family who are very supportive. I love all the cards, FB comments, Messenger messages, phone calls and gifts. I can't say enough how much it means to me and how much all the people are important in my life. Y'all are the best!! 💗💕
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Is This Living?
This is a question I've been asking myself (somewhat jokingly) the past few weeks as the effects of treatment have been so debilitating. These effects began after the second treatment and became even worse after the third, when the questioning began.
My home has shrunk to three rooms - bedroom with attached bath, family room with nearby powder room and kitchen. Within those rooms, the constriction is even more - bed, chair (recliner) or more recently sofa, and refrigerator (ice and water in the door!). My world has shrunk to primarily two places - home and clinic. Going to the grocery store a week or so ago was too much and I had to bow out prior to checkout and sit in the car while my son completed the task. I haven't been out on my own in well over a week - probably close to two - and actually asked my son the other day how he's been enjoying driving my new car as he's done more than I! (He says it's good!)
I'm so weak, occasionally dizzy (not so much with an adjustment in medication) and worn out that even the thought of going to get the mail or putting out the trash is overwhelming. The TV is constantly on (and that's fairly new for me), tuned to something innocuous just for the noise. I don't care what's on really, the sound is down to barely audible but there's someone talking - someone there. I haven't been reading much lately which is also new and it's because reading, even light romances, requires thinking and some concentration and I just can't. I have been able to continue playing Words with Friends and have to thank my friends for not bailing when it takes me a day (or more) to respond but even that is sometimes just too hard.
This is not to say I'm not surrounded by love and support because I am - family, friends, caregivers - everyone is on my side and that is amazing! But I'm used to doing things - going places, not depending on others to carry for me and it's hard to realize that just isn't possible right now.
So, to answer my own question - Is This Living? The answer is YES it is - for the moment, for now. Later will be different - later will better, but right now, this is my normal and I need to make the adjustment. Those around me have - my youngest has become an excellent caregiver and doesn't mind repeated requests for toast or more ice water or whatever. My oldest calls to check on me, makes sure I don't need anything, friends check-in daily by phone or text - it's ME who needs to make the adjustment. ME who needs to accept what is and not bemoan what was, look forward to what will be and not focus on what's right now. This is temporary, I will get better, I will survive and I will thrive. There are always setbacks in life - this is just another.
Yes, this is living and it's the best life I have right now - and we're all fighting to make it even better.
My home has shrunk to three rooms - bedroom with attached bath, family room with nearby powder room and kitchen. Within those rooms, the constriction is even more - bed, chair (recliner) or more recently sofa, and refrigerator (ice and water in the door!). My world has shrunk to primarily two places - home and clinic. Going to the grocery store a week or so ago was too much and I had to bow out prior to checkout and sit in the car while my son completed the task. I haven't been out on my own in well over a week - probably close to two - and actually asked my son the other day how he's been enjoying driving my new car as he's done more than I! (He says it's good!)
I'm so weak, occasionally dizzy (not so much with an adjustment in medication) and worn out that even the thought of going to get the mail or putting out the trash is overwhelming. The TV is constantly on (and that's fairly new for me), tuned to something innocuous just for the noise. I don't care what's on really, the sound is down to barely audible but there's someone talking - someone there. I haven't been reading much lately which is also new and it's because reading, even light romances, requires thinking and some concentration and I just can't. I have been able to continue playing Words with Friends and have to thank my friends for not bailing when it takes me a day (or more) to respond but even that is sometimes just too hard.
This is not to say I'm not surrounded by love and support because I am - family, friends, caregivers - everyone is on my side and that is amazing! But I'm used to doing things - going places, not depending on others to carry for me and it's hard to realize that just isn't possible right now.
So, to answer my own question - Is This Living? The answer is YES it is - for the moment, for now. Later will be different - later will better, but right now, this is my normal and I need to make the adjustment. Those around me have - my youngest has become an excellent caregiver and doesn't mind repeated requests for toast or more ice water or whatever. My oldest calls to check on me, makes sure I don't need anything, friends check-in daily by phone or text - it's ME who needs to make the adjustment. ME who needs to accept what is and not bemoan what was, look forward to what will be and not focus on what's right now. This is temporary, I will get better, I will survive and I will thrive. There are always setbacks in life - this is just another.
Yes, this is living and it's the best life I have right now - and we're all fighting to make it even better.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
A week later
Here it is on Thursday, one week after treatment two, and, once again, I'm feeling almost normal. It's annoying and frustrating that it seems to take me an entire week to recover from the treatment. But, if that's the worst I have to deal with I suppose I need to count myself very lucky. The doctor was nice enough to push the next treatment a week so that I won't be sick and unable to attend my son's wedding next weekend and for that I'm VERY grateful! He said that a week wouldn't make any difference in the treatment and it will make a difference in my well being!
In anticipation of losing my hair (which, as I've said, started coming out by the handful last Thursday) a very wonderful friend took me wig shopping. The shop owner and she both picked out a wig each to try on. The first was interesting - great color and looked good, but was straight and I've never had straight hair in my life! My friend picked out another wig - it was wavy and almost the identical color as my hair used to be when I was having it highlighted! I finally put it on yesterday, after I'd talked with my hairdresser and asked her to fluff it and give me her opinion. She loved it! Said the color was amazing and that there was nothing she needed to do to it at all! When I got home, I took a selfie in the car - don't like any of my pictures! - and I have to admit it's one of the best pictures of me I've seen in a long time! It will mean that wedding pictures won't have a bald me!! I would hate for them to have that!
See - I think it came out looking pretty good! Wish my own hair would have ever done as well, but I have a cowlick right in the middle of my forehead and my bangs never looked this good!
Today, I just have blood work (hopefully that stays as good as it was last week) and then I have an entire week free - of blood work and treatment - I won't know how to act!!
PS I'm going to look at new cars next week - don't know if I'll get one but I'm serious about looking for something smaller. I love my big truck but smaller would be easier right now I think!
In anticipation of losing my hair (which, as I've said, started coming out by the handful last Thursday) a very wonderful friend took me wig shopping. The shop owner and she both picked out a wig each to try on. The first was interesting - great color and looked good, but was straight and I've never had straight hair in my life! My friend picked out another wig - it was wavy and almost the identical color as my hair used to be when I was having it highlighted! I finally put it on yesterday, after I'd talked with my hairdresser and asked her to fluff it and give me her opinion. She loved it! Said the color was amazing and that there was nothing she needed to do to it at all! When I got home, I took a selfie in the car - don't like any of my pictures! - and I have to admit it's one of the best pictures of me I've seen in a long time! It will mean that wedding pictures won't have a bald me!! I would hate for them to have that!
See - I think it came out looking pretty good! Wish my own hair would have ever done as well, but I have a cowlick right in the middle of my forehead and my bangs never looked this good!
Today, I just have blood work (hopefully that stays as good as it was last week) and then I have an entire week free - of blood work and treatment - I won't know how to act!!
PS I'm going to look at new cars next week - don't know if I'll get one but I'm serious about looking for something smaller. I love my big truck but smaller would be easier right now I think!
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Infamous 3rd Day
Today, Saturday, is the third day after treatment and is shaping up, once again, to be the worst day. Last time it was awful, especially since I wasn't sure what was going to happen. This time, I tried to be more proactive - took a nausea pill last night and one again when I got up this morning. I have had breakfast (well, I drank a boost!) but there's a bit of churning going on - baby steps.
Today Bry is going to clip my hair short after I take scissors to the long parts! Might as well as it's falling out anyway. I need to get some headscarves I suppose and a nice winter hat cuz my head is going to be cold!! I do have a baseball hat a friend gave me - it's pink and says W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity). That'll do for a bit!
I'm looking forward to the wedding at the end of the month - I do have a wig for that and my wonderful hairdresser is going to comb it out and fluff next week so it'll all be ready. Guess I won't need to see her for a while afterwards!
Already thinking about Christmas and presents - Amazon is going to be my new bestest friend I think. I already get dog food/cat food and various pantry supplies from there - love the home delivery and have gotten gifts there before. Clicking is so much easier than shopping in a store - especially when I get light-headed and tired so easily.
This too shall pass - and I'm further along the road than I was a few weeks ago!
Today Bry is going to clip my hair short after I take scissors to the long parts! Might as well as it's falling out anyway. I need to get some headscarves I suppose and a nice winter hat cuz my head is going to be cold!! I do have a baseball hat a friend gave me - it's pink and says W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity). That'll do for a bit!
I'm looking forward to the wedding at the end of the month - I do have a wig for that and my wonderful hairdresser is going to comb it out and fluff next week so it'll all be ready. Guess I won't need to see her for a while afterwards!
Already thinking about Christmas and presents - Amazon is going to be my new bestest friend I think. I already get dog food/cat food and various pantry supplies from there - love the home delivery and have gotten gifts there before. Clicking is so much easier than shopping in a store - especially when I get light-headed and tired so easily.
This too shall pass - and I'm further along the road than I was a few weeks ago!
Thursday, September 14, 2017
2nd Treatment
Today my blood work was fine, I hadn't lost any weight over the week and that's good too, even though I do want to lose about 5 more pounds as safely as possible! So treatment 2 went forward.
On a somewhat down note, I showered, washed my hair and as I was combing it out, handsfull (literally) of hair came along with the comb. I was told it was going to happen but as late as last night, I hadn't noticed any real hair loss but WOW today! And every time I touch it or run my fingers through it, more is gone. Oh well - it's hair, it will grow back - eventually! I do have a wig but don't plan on wearing it much. I have a baseball hat a friend gave me - W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity) that will probably get some wear and I've seen some lovely scarves and of course a cool knit hat for winter!
On a positive note: The Dr. and I agreed that the 3rd treatment is going to be pushed back a week so that I will be able to attend my son's wedding. It would have been only two days before, with day 3 always being the most miserable day. This way, I'll be fine, get an extra week chemo free and be able to meet, greet and enjoy - in my new wig! :) I just don't want bald pictures for their wedding!
All in all, I have whined and complained and felt blah and weak and dizzy at times but I'm OK and I'm going to be better than ever! It's still definitely a process and the process is a production!
PS got my temporary handicapped placard today too - the plastic, laminated one will be mailed but the paper one will work until then. Most of the time I'm able to walk without any problems, but some days it's a chore! Will make it easier!
On a somewhat down note, I showered, washed my hair and as I was combing it out, handsfull (literally) of hair came along with the comb. I was told it was going to happen but as late as last night, I hadn't noticed any real hair loss but WOW today! And every time I touch it or run my fingers through it, more is gone. Oh well - it's hair, it will grow back - eventually! I do have a wig but don't plan on wearing it much. I have a baseball hat a friend gave me - W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity) that will probably get some wear and I've seen some lovely scarves and of course a cool knit hat for winter!
On a positive note: The Dr. and I agreed that the 3rd treatment is going to be pushed back a week so that I will be able to attend my son's wedding. It would have been only two days before, with day 3 always being the most miserable day. This way, I'll be fine, get an extra week chemo free and be able to meet, greet and enjoy - in my new wig! :) I just don't want bald pictures for their wedding!
All in all, I have whined and complained and felt blah and weak and dizzy at times but I'm OK and I'm going to be better than ever! It's still definitely a process and the process is a production!
PS got my temporary handicapped placard today too - the plastic, laminated one will be mailed but the paper one will work until then. Most of the time I'm able to walk without any problems, but some days it's a chore! Will make it easier!
Friday, September 8, 2017
Interim Week
It's Friday - after an eventful week of illness, sleeping and, finally, appetite and a bit of energy! Feeling good but my blood work yesterday showed that my white blood cell count was way low - I apparently have a small infection tho I'm asymptomatic so I've been given 5 days of an antibiotic to counteract that. More blood work next Thursday prior to chemo tho I suppose if it's still a mess there might be a miss there. I don't know if it was the news or the antibiotic or what but sleep was elusive last night so, after looking up any drug interactions between the new medicine and Xanax and finding none, I took one. Blessed sleep!
This morning, a good friend picked me up and we went wig shopping. If my hair is leaving and it is according to all the medical people involved, I wanted to be ready. I don't anticipate wearing it all the time but for special occasions! Anyway, the first place we went, the lady was so sweet - she picked out one wig and my friend picked out another. The first (the salesperson's choice) was fine - right color but the hair was straighter than mine but looked good. Then we tried the second one and "WOW" - it looked exactly like my own hair - curls, waves and all! The color is lighter than it's been in a while but in the same family and I swear I've had my hair cut this way before!
When I got home, my son said - "That's perfect! Looks like you reached in a box and pulled out your own hair!" So I guess it's unanimous - it's a hit. Which means no bald pictures at the upcoming wedding and I can look pretty much the way I do now! And the saleslady (owner) also told me, if I want a change - come back and get the other one too!
I can't thank my friend enough for going with me, driving me the entire morning and for picking out the perfect wig! Now, I need the perfect winter hat!!
This morning, a good friend picked me up and we went wig shopping. If my hair is leaving and it is according to all the medical people involved, I wanted to be ready. I don't anticipate wearing it all the time but for special occasions! Anyway, the first place we went, the lady was so sweet - she picked out one wig and my friend picked out another. The first (the salesperson's choice) was fine - right color but the hair was straighter than mine but looked good. Then we tried the second one and "WOW" - it looked exactly like my own hair - curls, waves and all! The color is lighter than it's been in a while but in the same family and I swear I've had my hair cut this way before!
When I got home, my son said - "That's perfect! Looks like you reached in a box and pulled out your own hair!" So I guess it's unanimous - it's a hit. Which means no bald pictures at the upcoming wedding and I can look pretty much the way I do now! And the saleslady (owner) also told me, if I want a change - come back and get the other one too!
I can't thank my friend enough for going with me, driving me the entire morning and for picking out the perfect wig! Now, I need the perfect winter hat!!
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Whew
Whew - what a weekend this has been. Saturday was a total washout for me - no energy at all, no appetite, and tons of sleep. Drank lots of water, ate what I could (which wasn't much) and took one of the nausea medicines - and then more sleep. Nothing felt right or good or normal. The Tropical Smoothie was good!
Today (Sunday) is better. Made some scrambled eggs for breakfast, ate an apple, a cheese stick, drank tons of water and a yogurt smoothie then had an almost normal dinner! Progress! And, although I did take two naps today, I was up more and able to focus on reading which held no appeal yesterday at all!
I realize this is a process and it will take time but I didn't realize just how nasty I could feel. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't feeling as if I'd been run over by a truck and dragged. Anyway - it's one step forward on the fight and that makes it a good weekend even though I felt like dirt for most of it!
Today (Sunday) is better. Made some scrambled eggs for breakfast, ate an apple, a cheese stick, drank tons of water and a yogurt smoothie then had an almost normal dinner! Progress! And, although I did take two naps today, I was up more and able to focus on reading which held no appeal yesterday at all!
I realize this is a process and it will take time but I didn't realize just how nasty I could feel. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't feeling as if I'd been run over by a truck and dragged. Anyway - it's one step forward on the fight and that makes it a good weekend even though I felt like dirt for most of it!
Friday, September 1, 2017
The Day After the 1st Day!
Today has been ok so far - a little feeling of being just off - not sick or anything just off with a light headache. Anyway - I thought I'd do a recap of tests, just to show how I got here.
- Felt and saw something strange in my breast - it seemed at first almost as if it were swollen up around the nipple - called PCP and Gynecologist - the Gynecologist could see me first!
- He scheduled a 3D mammogram for approximately 3 weeks away, in the meantime I saw the PCP who updated meds and agreed with the mammogram.
- 3D mammogram showed something and it was recommended that I have a biopsy the next Monday (true to tell, the 2016 mammogram was cleared by the Radiologist and the Gynecologist but I was a few months late on the 2017 one - my bad tho all the doctors have said it wasn't that late!)
- Biopsy done on two places - OUCH and met with the Radiologist on Thursday. That poor man had to be the one to give me the news that it was cancer UGH. The nurse navigator had already talked with Dr. Martin (Gynecologist) who'd recommended Dr. L Goldstein as the surgeon and an appointment had been set up for the following week.
- Dr. Goldstein poked and prodded (gently) and said she wanted me to see an oncologist (Dr. Alberico) right away because between the two of them they'd decide what treatment was best - she then sent me down for an EKG, more blood work.
- Dr. Alberico (Virginia Oncology) met with me at his Norfolk office and ordered an MRI, CT and Bone Scan (already described and more blood work!)
- MRI (with medicine to get me in the thing) and dye showed that one lymph node was involved (BAD but not as bad as it could be)
- CT scan was clear
- Bone Scan was clear
- Blood work was excellent
- He scheduled a Mediport placement and decided that treatment would begin the next week (YIKES)
- Then decided he wanted an echocardiogram to ensure my heart was doing well
- Port placement was Monday - with more blood work - getting low here!
- Echo was done Tuesday
- Treatment began yesterday (Thursday) and Dr. Alberico said my heart was strong and healthy.
- Treatment took about 3 hours, then the neulasta was put on - sometime this afternoon it will give me it's medicine and be discarded. In the meantime, I now have two types of nausea meds and am taking Clariton to counteract some of the effects of the neulasta - they don't know why Claritan works but it apparently does.
The mammogram was July 18, 2017 - so I've been on fast forward for the past 6 weeks and it looks like it's going to be that way for at least the next 4 months and that's all before surgery to get rid of the offending mass.
Did I mention I also have a new prescription for Xanax for those times I'm feeling totally out of control??? Haven't used it yet but I will - it's what got me in the MRI and if it can do that, it will help with anything!
Did find out I'll lose my hair. Have a huge event coming up the end of September and, while I allow few pictures of myself anyway, I certainly don't want any there being bald so it's off to find a nice wig - if I only wear it once or twice it will be totally worth it!
A special thanks to all my friends and family who have sent such supportive messages to me - they mean a lot!
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Chemo - Day 1
The anticipation was more stressful than the event. I know that things will probably get worse as treatment continues and it seems a foregone conclusion that my hair will be no longer but, on the bright side, when it grows back I may not have to color it anymore if I like the gray that it is! I also got a great recommendation for wigs from a fellow chemo mate - so there's that too! Hers was so realistic I didn't realize it was a wig until she said something!
Bry took me today and sat with me for part of the treatment. In the waiting room, three wonderful library friends: Denise, Debbie and Kim came in! It was so wonderful to see them and we laughed so hard it was impossible to be worried! I can't thank them enough for that! Even Bry was bent over laughing!
Once in the treatment room, the recliners are comfy - the mediport makes infusion really simple and I didn't have any trouble with any meds today. That could change but I'm holding tough on it not! Talked with ladies on both sides and know that I'll find lots of support there and with my fantastic friends and family. Since the hair will be going, will be getting a wig of some kind if only for the wedding - pictures of me aren't great anyway but bald - ain't gonna happen!! 😊😊😊😊
So far I've had no nausea but there's medicine for that too and additional medicine for anxiety (of which I had a bit last night so I did sleep better with chemistry!). It's a process but it's going to be fine.
I'm going to be a survivor along with all my friends - and that's a promise!!
Bry took me today and sat with me for part of the treatment. In the waiting room, three wonderful library friends: Denise, Debbie and Kim came in! It was so wonderful to see them and we laughed so hard it was impossible to be worried! I can't thank them enough for that! Even Bry was bent over laughing!
Once in the treatment room, the recliners are comfy - the mediport makes infusion really simple and I didn't have any trouble with any meds today. That could change but I'm holding tough on it not! Talked with ladies on both sides and know that I'll find lots of support there and with my fantastic friends and family. Since the hair will be going, will be getting a wig of some kind if only for the wedding - pictures of me aren't great anyway but bald - ain't gonna happen!! 😊😊😊😊
So far I've had no nausea but there's medicine for that too and additional medicine for anxiety (of which I had a bit last night so I did sleep better with chemistry!). It's a process but it's going to be fine.
I'm going to be a survivor along with all my friends - and that's a promise!!
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Summer 2017 - Another Week!
Wow, this has been a second week that was and it's only Wednesday! But, great for me, today was a day that didn't require awakening to an alarm and, unlike yesterday, didn't require me to be up and out in an almost tropical storm!
Monday was an outpatient surgical procedure where I had a Power Port (Mediport) installed so that giving the chemo drugs is easier on everyone. It was a compromise time so the place wasn't the nearby hospital but the one that used to be closest! That hospital has been redone and looks great. Everything was on time, including me, until it was discovered that my bloodwork tests were over two weeks old - oh my - so there was an hour's delay until those could be completed. Once done, we were once again a go. The procedure itself is fairly simple - for a vascular surgeon! The doctor was a bit concerned, however, because my heart rate is low. I'd asked my PCP about it and he said it was a side-effect of the blood pressure medicine I take. Anyway, the doctor decided that she'd go with lidocaine primarily for the aesthetic instead of the Fentanyl. So no nighty night for me!! The lidocaine shots hurt but once the numbing began all I felt was pressure. About 1/2 through, the nurse gave me a small dose of Fentanyl and later a very small dose of Versed, but I was awake and talking to everyone the whole time! It did make "recovery" faster cuz I didn't have to wake up!! The incisions are healing well and my neck isn't stiff and sore anymore so that's good!
Tuesday morning, in the downpour, I had an echocardiogram scheduled. The doctor is testing everything! It was interesting and so easy. Basically, it's an ultrasound of your heart. It was interesting to see my heart beating away on the monitor. The technician said that the cardiologist would be reading the results and sending them to the doctor so I guess I'll find out on Thursday.
(PS I'm enjoying all the tests that don't require me to completely undress! And that included the installation of the Mediport!!)
Today is my Chemo Education class where I'll find out more about what's going to happen and what I'm going to be given. It was originally scheduled for Monday, but the surgery was delayed and I just couldn't make it from one hospital to another and get something to eat (important after 18 hours) so today is a better day. Then tomorrow is my first Chemo appointment. YIKES
I'm so lucky to have so many friends who are being so wonderfully supportive, not to mention my sons. It definitely helps. Second son is going with me to the class and taking me to the chemo appointment tomorrow (and most likely to most of them!) because he's going to be involved most directly of the two of them.
Another week, some more steps in the process - further along the trail to no cancer. It's a good thing.
(This is a picture of the power port - mine is on my left shoulder instead of the right.)
Monday was an outpatient surgical procedure where I had a Power Port (Mediport) installed so that giving the chemo drugs is easier on everyone. It was a compromise time so the place wasn't the nearby hospital but the one that used to be closest! That hospital has been redone and looks great. Everything was on time, including me, until it was discovered that my bloodwork tests were over two weeks old - oh my - so there was an hour's delay until those could be completed. Once done, we were once again a go. The procedure itself is fairly simple - for a vascular surgeon! The doctor was a bit concerned, however, because my heart rate is low. I'd asked my PCP about it and he said it was a side-effect of the blood pressure medicine I take. Anyway, the doctor decided that she'd go with lidocaine primarily for the aesthetic instead of the Fentanyl. So no nighty night for me!! The lidocaine shots hurt but once the numbing began all I felt was pressure. About 1/2 through, the nurse gave me a small dose of Fentanyl and later a very small dose of Versed, but I was awake and talking to everyone the whole time! It did make "recovery" faster cuz I didn't have to wake up!! The incisions are healing well and my neck isn't stiff and sore anymore so that's good!
Tuesday morning, in the downpour, I had an echocardiogram scheduled. The doctor is testing everything! It was interesting and so easy. Basically, it's an ultrasound of your heart. It was interesting to see my heart beating away on the monitor. The technician said that the cardiologist would be reading the results and sending them to the doctor so I guess I'll find out on Thursday.
(PS I'm enjoying all the tests that don't require me to completely undress! And that included the installation of the Mediport!!)
Today is my Chemo Education class where I'll find out more about what's going to happen and what I'm going to be given. It was originally scheduled for Monday, but the surgery was delayed and I just couldn't make it from one hospital to another and get something to eat (important after 18 hours) so today is a better day. Then tomorrow is my first Chemo appointment. YIKES
I'm so lucky to have so many friends who are being so wonderfully supportive, not to mention my sons. It definitely helps. Second son is going with me to the class and taking me to the chemo appointment tomorrow (and most likely to most of them!) because he's going to be involved most directly of the two of them.
Another week, some more steps in the process - further along the trail to no cancer. It's a good thing.
(This is a picture of the power port - mine is on my left shoulder instead of the right.)
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Summer 2017 - Tests
Let me start by saying I've had one MRI and one CT scan before this month - both lying on my back with knees raised on a foam rest. The MRI was preceded by a nice "happy" pill so that I could allow myself to be put into a cigar tube (even tho my head wasn't going inside!). That said, the three tests this months were something!
Test 1: Picture this: There's a 14 inch mattress on the floor and your kneeling in front of it. There's a rectangular hole in the mattress about 30 inches wide, 18 inches high and the depth of the mattress. On the leading edge of the mattress is a square metal bar and across the hole in the middle of that metal bar is another bar, forming an inverted T. Now, you're kneeling on the floor slightly above the mattress height. You lean forward, your chest, below your breasts, supported by the leading edge bar and your sternum supported by the cross bar. You put your arms out in front of you and your face on the padded massage-table support. Got that?? Now, envision that on a sliding table!! You're kneeling on the table, there's a platform in front of you with the bars, hole and face support. CONGRATULATIONS - you're having a breast MRI!! The machine itself is a shortened cigar tube - about 5 feet long I guess. It's constantly making a loud Whump, Whump, Whump pulsing sound. Earphones are placed on your head so the technician can talk to you and you can hear the music they offer. Tho that's often hard because of the Whump, the Clank, the rat-a-tat-tat and all the other sounds the machine makes. In that cacophony of noise, I hear the music - it's BOB FM - not what I usually listen to but OK, whatever. The machine noise drowns most things out until, in the distance, I hear Twisted Sister's "We're Not Going To Take This" - to which I said AMEN!! Later, it was "Yellow Submarine" and, since I'd had a Xanax just to get in the room with the machine, I had to admit it I was living in a Yellow Submarine! As my son, who took me said, "you were really high!". All I know is that it ended, I came home and took a two hour nap!
NOTE: Tests 2 and 3 were done on the same day!!
Test 2: CT scans are simple - except for the barium smoothies I was required to drink. It was labeled Berry Smoothie and listed blueberry as an ingredient. If a blueberry ever got close to that drink it was 1 small berry in a vat of the liquid. It was a pale, pale, pink and gross. But I dutifully chugged the first bottle before I went to the hospital to get a shot of radio active tracer for test 3. I was told to bring the second bottle with me cuz they'd try to fit the CT scan in after the shot. So off I went, got the shot and the IV (for the CT scan) and was told go to the waiting room and chug the second bottle, they're ready. About 20 minutes later in I went to get the CT. I like any test where I don't have to take my clothes off and that day I had two! Laid down on my back, with my knees raised and hands over my head so they could get to the IV and into the doughnut I went. Since it is only a doughnut and not a tube no medication is needed (and my head didn't go under the doughnut). That machine sounds like a small jet engine revving up - all in all, except for the drinks, an easy test. I was then told to eat (no problem), drink a lot and use the bathroom a lot before test 3.
Test 3: If you've never had a full-body bone scan let me tell you now what no one told me - for someone with claustrophobia it's a hard, hard test. Once again you keep your clothes on (a plus) and there's nothing to drink (another plus), there's only the shot - not a biggie. So, back on the table, narrower than the CT one on my back, knees raised. There's a doughnut shaped machine and in front of it a flat plate facing down on a large metal arm that moves the plate up and down. The plate is about 18X20?? and is about 2 feet over my head. So far so good! The technician tells me that the table will slide into the doughnut, the plate will come down (what???) but is otherwise stationary and the table actually will slide backwards under the plate. I can keep my eyes open or closed either way. OK. But to keep my arms down close to my body, there's a wide strap that is secured across. On the one hand, it is confining, but on the other, gives your arms a place to rest. Still good so far. I close my eyes, the table slides my feet toward the machine and I hear the buzz of the plate (camera) come down. I sneak a peak - OH MY GOD the #*&% plate is about an inch above my nose!!!!! Eyes slam shut and all I see is haze grey (the color of the plate) and I start talking to myself. "You can do this - breathe - don't panic" and time slows down to a crawl and I wonder when the stupid table is going to start moving!! I feel the table vibrate and the technician says - "It's going to take 12 minutes". Again, deep breath, hold, slowly release - come on. Just about the time I'm thinking I'm going to start yelling "get me out of here!", I notice that the light behind my eye lids is brighter! I sneak a peak, the plate is now down around my chin and I can see ceiling tiles!! YIPPEE!! Deep breath!! Relief! Now the wait for the table to slowly slide the rest of me under the plate camera and it's done!! WHEW!
Happily the test results of the CT and bone scan came back the next day and were clear. There's no indication that the cancer has spread beyond the breast and 1 lymph node (found on the MRI) so the news is good! Plans are in the works for treatment - so I'm on the next step in this process.
Test 1: Picture this: There's a 14 inch mattress on the floor and your kneeling in front of it. There's a rectangular hole in the mattress about 30 inches wide, 18 inches high and the depth of the mattress. On the leading edge of the mattress is a square metal bar and across the hole in the middle of that metal bar is another bar, forming an inverted T. Now, you're kneeling on the floor slightly above the mattress height. You lean forward, your chest, below your breasts, supported by the leading edge bar and your sternum supported by the cross bar. You put your arms out in front of you and your face on the padded massage-table support. Got that?? Now, envision that on a sliding table!! You're kneeling on the table, there's a platform in front of you with the bars, hole and face support. CONGRATULATIONS - you're having a breast MRI!! The machine itself is a shortened cigar tube - about 5 feet long I guess. It's constantly making a loud Whump, Whump, Whump pulsing sound. Earphones are placed on your head so the technician can talk to you and you can hear the music they offer. Tho that's often hard because of the Whump, the Clank, the rat-a-tat-tat and all the other sounds the machine makes. In that cacophony of noise, I hear the music - it's BOB FM - not what I usually listen to but OK, whatever. The machine noise drowns most things out until, in the distance, I hear Twisted Sister's "We're Not Going To Take This" - to which I said AMEN!! Later, it was "Yellow Submarine" and, since I'd had a Xanax just to get in the room with the machine, I had to admit it I was living in a Yellow Submarine! As my son, who took me said, "you were really high!". All I know is that it ended, I came home and took a two hour nap!
NOTE: Tests 2 and 3 were done on the same day!!
Test 2: CT scans are simple - except for the barium smoothies I was required to drink. It was labeled Berry Smoothie and listed blueberry as an ingredient. If a blueberry ever got close to that drink it was 1 small berry in a vat of the liquid. It was a pale, pale, pink and gross. But I dutifully chugged the first bottle before I went to the hospital to get a shot of radio active tracer for test 3. I was told to bring the second bottle with me cuz they'd try to fit the CT scan in after the shot. So off I went, got the shot and the IV (for the CT scan) and was told go to the waiting room and chug the second bottle, they're ready. About 20 minutes later in I went to get the CT. I like any test where I don't have to take my clothes off and that day I had two! Laid down on my back, with my knees raised and hands over my head so they could get to the IV and into the doughnut I went. Since it is only a doughnut and not a tube no medication is needed (and my head didn't go under the doughnut). That machine sounds like a small jet engine revving up - all in all, except for the drinks, an easy test. I was then told to eat (no problem), drink a lot and use the bathroom a lot before test 3.
Test 3: If you've never had a full-body bone scan let me tell you now what no one told me - for someone with claustrophobia it's a hard, hard test. Once again you keep your clothes on (a plus) and there's nothing to drink (another plus), there's only the shot - not a biggie. So, back on the table, narrower than the CT one on my back, knees raised. There's a doughnut shaped machine and in front of it a flat plate facing down on a large metal arm that moves the plate up and down. The plate is about 18X20?? and is about 2 feet over my head. So far so good! The technician tells me that the table will slide into the doughnut, the plate will come down (what???) but is otherwise stationary and the table actually will slide backwards under the plate. I can keep my eyes open or closed either way. OK. But to keep my arms down close to my body, there's a wide strap that is secured across. On the one hand, it is confining, but on the other, gives your arms a place to rest. Still good so far. I close my eyes, the table slides my feet toward the machine and I hear the buzz of the plate (camera) come down. I sneak a peak - OH MY GOD the #*&% plate is about an inch above my nose!!!!! Eyes slam shut and all I see is haze grey (the color of the plate) and I start talking to myself. "You can do this - breathe - don't panic" and time slows down to a crawl and I wonder when the stupid table is going to start moving!! I feel the table vibrate and the technician says - "It's going to take 12 minutes". Again, deep breath, hold, slowly release - come on. Just about the time I'm thinking I'm going to start yelling "get me out of here!", I notice that the light behind my eye lids is brighter! I sneak a peak, the plate is now down around my chin and I can see ceiling tiles!! YIPPEE!! Deep breath!! Relief! Now the wait for the table to slowly slide the rest of me under the plate camera and it's done!! WHEW!
Happily the test results of the CT and bone scan came back the next day and were clear. There's no indication that the cancer has spread beyond the breast and 1 lymph node (found on the MRI) so the news is good! Plans are in the works for treatment - so I'm on the next step in this process.
Saturday, August 19, 2017
What a Summer 2017
This is difficult for me to say, and
was certainly difficult to hear in July. I've been diagnosed with
“invasive ductal carcinoma” or breast cancer. For reasons the
doctors have explained, I'm going to have chemo prior to surgery. No
one thinks anything as spread beyond the breast, but there were cells
that are, apparently, prone to spreading so the idea is to kill them
first then move on to surgery. This particular form of cancer is
hormone driven (who knew I still had so much estrogen??) but I was
told this is a good thing as it can be controlled. All-in-all, as my
wonderful surgeon said “its a process”, and we're going one step
at a time. I really hope I don't lose my hair – it's my one vanity
but what is is! I can always stand to lose weight and have plenty to
spare so that's not an issue! As a matter of fact, I've already started losing and feel very proud of myself that I've lost over 8 pounds in a month simply by cutting back on carbs. Guess I should have known that pounds of potato salad and quarts of scalloped potatoes weren't the best things to eat - but oh, they're good!!
Anyway, I intend to be around a good long time - I've plans made you see and I fully intend to fulfill them one day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)