The new drug, in place of the Taxol, is called Abraxane - it is so much better, primarily because I'm not having an allergic reaction to it, but there are some side effects. The first one that I had was muscle and bone aches in my legs. Uncomfortable but not horrible, especially since I could take Aleve and alternate that with Tylenol. It only lasted a couple of days and then eased up a lot. The second side effect was more annoying and made life harder - diarrhea. It would start with actually not going at all one day, then abdominal pain and the beginnings of looseness the next. The first week was about 3 days, the second seemed to start sooner and be a little worse. It is controllable (I am allowed to take Imodium) but honestly, that didn't seem to make much difference in the length of time it lasted. It's almost at an end when the tremendous gas pains begin but, was still in effect enough today that I had to cancel a lunch out with a friend - I certainly didn't want to be somewhere, eat something and have to make emergency trips to the bathroom!
Luckily I have wonderful friends who understand my inability to plan more than 5 minutes (or so it seems) and are adaptable to my side effects!
The good news about this treatment (there are 12 in total and this Thursday will be #10 counting down from 12) is that it's for three weeks with a week off - so I'm treatment free the Thursday before Christmas and should be feeling fine with all side effects behind me! At that time I'll also be in single digits for the number of treatments left! YIPPEE!!
I have a meeting this Friday with my surgeon - have lots of questions for her. I've been on a board on Facebook for cancer patients (not all breast cancer) and have heard some things I definitely need clarified - for instance - tissue expanders - will I need them?? I'm not sure I want to have them as I've heard that some women have them for months (or longer). I want this to be over and not to delay anything! If the reconstruction is done immediately (without expanders necessary) and recovery can then begin, it's one thing. Otherwise - flat isn't so bad! I'm not 20 anymore - don't really care what I look like to other people. Hopefully she'll have answers! PS I have high hopes, since the oncologist said that by simply squeezing my breast, he couldn't feel the lump anymore (and neither can I really) that the lump has shrunk enough to make the surgery easier. I'll find out!
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Friday, December 1, 2017
A long time
It's been over 6 weeks since I posted last and a lot has happened. After the last A/C treatment, I didn't bounce back at all - in fact I got worse. The diarrhea got worse, I could barely eat or even get out of bed. I went weekly for my blood work and it wasn't getting better - I got fluids twice and that helped for a couple of days but then I was back in the same predicament. Finally, on November 9, at my meeting with the doctor to start the next round of treatment with Taxol, the doctor said, "we're going to admit you to the hospital and see what's causing this". By this time I was losing 5-7 pounds per week - not good!
That was a Thursday and I went into the hospital. They finally were able to get the samples they needed for testing in the next day or so and found that I had an aggressive intestinal bacterial infection that meant that I was in isolation and anyone visiting had to wear gown and gloves and not touch me. 😓 It was definitely scary, especially when the first antibiotic didn't work. I was switched to an oral antibiotic - vancomycin which, along with probiotics and Questran did work. Gradually things got better. I was receiving fluids and lots of enzymes as my levels were way down but eventually I was able to go home the Tuesday after I arrived. I was SO happy to be back home, even with a strict regimen of pills and oral meds to take. Each day I got stronger, ate more, drank the right amount and best of all, intestinal functions improved! I was lucky to have the wise counsel of friends who were familiar with the disease and could ease some fears!
I was well enough to restart the next round of treatment with Taxol Thanksgiving week but it didn't go well at all. There is a reaction to the drug in very few people, but, of course, I was one. After only 4 minutes of receiving the drug, I was horribly flushed, my lower back was in agony (going down my legs), my stomach was cramping and I was vomiting. Not fun at all! They stopped the medicine, pushed saline and then gave me Ativan to calm me down (after determining I hadn't driven myself!). Once I got home, and was calm, I felt much better.
The next week (this past Thursday), I met again with the doctor who said that the reaction isn't actually to the Taxol but to the protein its bonded to for delivery. Apparently that protein and I don't get along at all! We started a different drug - similar but not with the same protein - and that treatment went well. I feel great - still eating, drinking and now I'm able to get out on my own!
It was so funny, a few days after I got out of the hospital, I felt well enough to drive myself to the bank and deposit some checks. My son laughed at me and said "what, you want to drive your new car"?? He's put many more miles on it than I have, driving me to the doctor's, the hospital and getting groceries in the time when I'm getting treatment! I'm so very lucky to have such a great caregiver with me - I don't know what I'd do without him around.
It's been three days since the treatment and I've not experienced any noticeable effects so I'm hopeful this will continue and that this treatment will be successful. It's one more step along the way - I certainly don't want to go back to the way I was in October and early November.
That was a Thursday and I went into the hospital. They finally were able to get the samples they needed for testing in the next day or so and found that I had an aggressive intestinal bacterial infection that meant that I was in isolation and anyone visiting had to wear gown and gloves and not touch me. 😓 It was definitely scary, especially when the first antibiotic didn't work. I was switched to an oral antibiotic - vancomycin which, along with probiotics and Questran did work. Gradually things got better. I was receiving fluids and lots of enzymes as my levels were way down but eventually I was able to go home the Tuesday after I arrived. I was SO happy to be back home, even with a strict regimen of pills and oral meds to take. Each day I got stronger, ate more, drank the right amount and best of all, intestinal functions improved! I was lucky to have the wise counsel of friends who were familiar with the disease and could ease some fears!
I was well enough to restart the next round of treatment with Taxol Thanksgiving week but it didn't go well at all. There is a reaction to the drug in very few people, but, of course, I was one. After only 4 minutes of receiving the drug, I was horribly flushed, my lower back was in agony (going down my legs), my stomach was cramping and I was vomiting. Not fun at all! They stopped the medicine, pushed saline and then gave me Ativan to calm me down (after determining I hadn't driven myself!). Once I got home, and was calm, I felt much better.
The next week (this past Thursday), I met again with the doctor who said that the reaction isn't actually to the Taxol but to the protein its bonded to for delivery. Apparently that protein and I don't get along at all! We started a different drug - similar but not with the same protein - and that treatment went well. I feel great - still eating, drinking and now I'm able to get out on my own!
It was so funny, a few days after I got out of the hospital, I felt well enough to drive myself to the bank and deposit some checks. My son laughed at me and said "what, you want to drive your new car"?? He's put many more miles on it than I have, driving me to the doctor's, the hospital and getting groceries in the time when I'm getting treatment! I'm so very lucky to have such a great caregiver with me - I don't know what I'd do without him around.
It's been three days since the treatment and I've not experienced any noticeable effects so I'm hopeful this will continue and that this treatment will be successful. It's one more step along the way - I certainly don't want to go back to the way I was in October and early November.
Friday, October 20, 2017
Fourth Treatment - DONE
The two weeks between treatment three and four were horrific. There isn't another word to describe the misery of those two weeks. Extreme gastric problems (which I won't elaborate except to say prescription medication became necessary); lack of appetite to the point of very little food intake (to the concern of my caregiver); lethargy and finally, IV fluids were required despite the fact that I was, indeed, drinking water. I lost 5 pounds in those two weeks.
My blood work was very bad at the 1 week testing - white count down extremely low - it drops each time but never this low - and it rebounds by the next week which it also did this time but not as far. Because of that and to keep the count from dropping so low, the last treatment dosage was lowered 25%. Here's hoping that the lower dose keeps the blood work positive and also lessens the effects of the treatment. I don't want to relive those two weeks - even if this treatment (4) is the LAST of the dual-drugs!!
I asked (and received) an extra week off between this last dual-drug treatment and the start of the single drug weekly treatment. Hopefully, as I told the doctor, I'll have more than 2 days where I feel 90% like a real human! Everyone I've talked to, including my wonderful chemo nurse, has assured me that the single drug (Taxol) is much less severe than the others and won't affect me as much. I was seated next to a woman who was getting her first Taxol treatment (she's a step ahead of me) and, unfortunately, she had a rather immediate reaction to the meds. The nurses knew just what to do, stopping the meds, giving her benedryl and within a few minutes she was fine. Apparently she's not allergic to the med but to an additive in the delivery system - I'm not allergic to many things and I sincerely hope this isn't one! We'll see in three weeks!
On the positive front (and there definitely was positive news) - the doctor did say that my treatment has been aggressive and, people over 65 (ME) can be more affected than younger people. However, doing a cursory exam he said he could no longer feel the lump (which was not the case 6 weeks ago) so he was encouraged that it had reduced that much with only 3 treatments (the fourth was yet to be administered). Any time he's encouraged, I certainly am! On a secondary note - I've been trying since July to lose a few pounds and as of yesterday I've lost 24!! The past few weeks haven't been a recommended diet but the first pounds off were simply by limiting (not eliminating) carbs in my diet and that was slower (of course) but effective. I'll take all the positive news I can get!
I have wonderful friends and family who are very supportive. I love all the cards, FB comments, Messenger messages, phone calls and gifts. I can't say enough how much it means to me and how much all the people are important in my life. Y'all are the best!! 💗💕
My blood work was very bad at the 1 week testing - white count down extremely low - it drops each time but never this low - and it rebounds by the next week which it also did this time but not as far. Because of that and to keep the count from dropping so low, the last treatment dosage was lowered 25%. Here's hoping that the lower dose keeps the blood work positive and also lessens the effects of the treatment. I don't want to relive those two weeks - even if this treatment (4) is the LAST of the dual-drugs!!
I asked (and received) an extra week off between this last dual-drug treatment and the start of the single drug weekly treatment. Hopefully, as I told the doctor, I'll have more than 2 days where I feel 90% like a real human! Everyone I've talked to, including my wonderful chemo nurse, has assured me that the single drug (Taxol) is much less severe than the others and won't affect me as much. I was seated next to a woman who was getting her first Taxol treatment (she's a step ahead of me) and, unfortunately, she had a rather immediate reaction to the meds. The nurses knew just what to do, stopping the meds, giving her benedryl and within a few minutes she was fine. Apparently she's not allergic to the med but to an additive in the delivery system - I'm not allergic to many things and I sincerely hope this isn't one! We'll see in three weeks!
On the positive front (and there definitely was positive news) - the doctor did say that my treatment has been aggressive and, people over 65 (ME) can be more affected than younger people. However, doing a cursory exam he said he could no longer feel the lump (which was not the case 6 weeks ago) so he was encouraged that it had reduced that much with only 3 treatments (the fourth was yet to be administered). Any time he's encouraged, I certainly am! On a secondary note - I've been trying since July to lose a few pounds and as of yesterday I've lost 24!! The past few weeks haven't been a recommended diet but the first pounds off were simply by limiting (not eliminating) carbs in my diet and that was slower (of course) but effective. I'll take all the positive news I can get!
I have wonderful friends and family who are very supportive. I love all the cards, FB comments, Messenger messages, phone calls and gifts. I can't say enough how much it means to me and how much all the people are important in my life. Y'all are the best!! 💗💕
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Is This Living?
This is a question I've been asking myself (somewhat jokingly) the past few weeks as the effects of treatment have been so debilitating. These effects began after the second treatment and became even worse after the third, when the questioning began.
My home has shrunk to three rooms - bedroom with attached bath, family room with nearby powder room and kitchen. Within those rooms, the constriction is even more - bed, chair (recliner) or more recently sofa, and refrigerator (ice and water in the door!). My world has shrunk to primarily two places - home and clinic. Going to the grocery store a week or so ago was too much and I had to bow out prior to checkout and sit in the car while my son completed the task. I haven't been out on my own in well over a week - probably close to two - and actually asked my son the other day how he's been enjoying driving my new car as he's done more than I! (He says it's good!)
I'm so weak, occasionally dizzy (not so much with an adjustment in medication) and worn out that even the thought of going to get the mail or putting out the trash is overwhelming. The TV is constantly on (and that's fairly new for me), tuned to something innocuous just for the noise. I don't care what's on really, the sound is down to barely audible but there's someone talking - someone there. I haven't been reading much lately which is also new and it's because reading, even light romances, requires thinking and some concentration and I just can't. I have been able to continue playing Words with Friends and have to thank my friends for not bailing when it takes me a day (or more) to respond but even that is sometimes just too hard.
This is not to say I'm not surrounded by love and support because I am - family, friends, caregivers - everyone is on my side and that is amazing! But I'm used to doing things - going places, not depending on others to carry for me and it's hard to realize that just isn't possible right now.
So, to answer my own question - Is This Living? The answer is YES it is - for the moment, for now. Later will be different - later will better, but right now, this is my normal and I need to make the adjustment. Those around me have - my youngest has become an excellent caregiver and doesn't mind repeated requests for toast or more ice water or whatever. My oldest calls to check on me, makes sure I don't need anything, friends check-in daily by phone or text - it's ME who needs to make the adjustment. ME who needs to accept what is and not bemoan what was, look forward to what will be and not focus on what's right now. This is temporary, I will get better, I will survive and I will thrive. There are always setbacks in life - this is just another.
Yes, this is living and it's the best life I have right now - and we're all fighting to make it even better.
My home has shrunk to three rooms - bedroom with attached bath, family room with nearby powder room and kitchen. Within those rooms, the constriction is even more - bed, chair (recliner) or more recently sofa, and refrigerator (ice and water in the door!). My world has shrunk to primarily two places - home and clinic. Going to the grocery store a week or so ago was too much and I had to bow out prior to checkout and sit in the car while my son completed the task. I haven't been out on my own in well over a week - probably close to two - and actually asked my son the other day how he's been enjoying driving my new car as he's done more than I! (He says it's good!)
I'm so weak, occasionally dizzy (not so much with an adjustment in medication) and worn out that even the thought of going to get the mail or putting out the trash is overwhelming. The TV is constantly on (and that's fairly new for me), tuned to something innocuous just for the noise. I don't care what's on really, the sound is down to barely audible but there's someone talking - someone there. I haven't been reading much lately which is also new and it's because reading, even light romances, requires thinking and some concentration and I just can't. I have been able to continue playing Words with Friends and have to thank my friends for not bailing when it takes me a day (or more) to respond but even that is sometimes just too hard.
This is not to say I'm not surrounded by love and support because I am - family, friends, caregivers - everyone is on my side and that is amazing! But I'm used to doing things - going places, not depending on others to carry for me and it's hard to realize that just isn't possible right now.
So, to answer my own question - Is This Living? The answer is YES it is - for the moment, for now. Later will be different - later will better, but right now, this is my normal and I need to make the adjustment. Those around me have - my youngest has become an excellent caregiver and doesn't mind repeated requests for toast or more ice water or whatever. My oldest calls to check on me, makes sure I don't need anything, friends check-in daily by phone or text - it's ME who needs to make the adjustment. ME who needs to accept what is and not bemoan what was, look forward to what will be and not focus on what's right now. This is temporary, I will get better, I will survive and I will thrive. There are always setbacks in life - this is just another.
Yes, this is living and it's the best life I have right now - and we're all fighting to make it even better.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
A week later
Here it is on Thursday, one week after treatment two, and, once again, I'm feeling almost normal. It's annoying and frustrating that it seems to take me an entire week to recover from the treatment. But, if that's the worst I have to deal with I suppose I need to count myself very lucky. The doctor was nice enough to push the next treatment a week so that I won't be sick and unable to attend my son's wedding next weekend and for that I'm VERY grateful! He said that a week wouldn't make any difference in the treatment and it will make a difference in my well being!
In anticipation of losing my hair (which, as I've said, started coming out by the handful last Thursday) a very wonderful friend took me wig shopping. The shop owner and she both picked out a wig each to try on. The first was interesting - great color and looked good, but was straight and I've never had straight hair in my life! My friend picked out another wig - it was wavy and almost the identical color as my hair used to be when I was having it highlighted! I finally put it on yesterday, after I'd talked with my hairdresser and asked her to fluff it and give me her opinion. She loved it! Said the color was amazing and that there was nothing she needed to do to it at all! When I got home, I took a selfie in the car - don't like any of my pictures! - and I have to admit it's one of the best pictures of me I've seen in a long time! It will mean that wedding pictures won't have a bald me!! I would hate for them to have that!
See - I think it came out looking pretty good! Wish my own hair would have ever done as well, but I have a cowlick right in the middle of my forehead and my bangs never looked this good!
Today, I just have blood work (hopefully that stays as good as it was last week) and then I have an entire week free - of blood work and treatment - I won't know how to act!!
PS I'm going to look at new cars next week - don't know if I'll get one but I'm serious about looking for something smaller. I love my big truck but smaller would be easier right now I think!
In anticipation of losing my hair (which, as I've said, started coming out by the handful last Thursday) a very wonderful friend took me wig shopping. The shop owner and she both picked out a wig each to try on. The first was interesting - great color and looked good, but was straight and I've never had straight hair in my life! My friend picked out another wig - it was wavy and almost the identical color as my hair used to be when I was having it highlighted! I finally put it on yesterday, after I'd talked with my hairdresser and asked her to fluff it and give me her opinion. She loved it! Said the color was amazing and that there was nothing she needed to do to it at all! When I got home, I took a selfie in the car - don't like any of my pictures! - and I have to admit it's one of the best pictures of me I've seen in a long time! It will mean that wedding pictures won't have a bald me!! I would hate for them to have that!
See - I think it came out looking pretty good! Wish my own hair would have ever done as well, but I have a cowlick right in the middle of my forehead and my bangs never looked this good!
Today, I just have blood work (hopefully that stays as good as it was last week) and then I have an entire week free - of blood work and treatment - I won't know how to act!!
PS I'm going to look at new cars next week - don't know if I'll get one but I'm serious about looking for something smaller. I love my big truck but smaller would be easier right now I think!
Saturday, September 16, 2017
Infamous 3rd Day
Today, Saturday, is the third day after treatment and is shaping up, once again, to be the worst day. Last time it was awful, especially since I wasn't sure what was going to happen. This time, I tried to be more proactive - took a nausea pill last night and one again when I got up this morning. I have had breakfast (well, I drank a boost!) but there's a bit of churning going on - baby steps.
Today Bry is going to clip my hair short after I take scissors to the long parts! Might as well as it's falling out anyway. I need to get some headscarves I suppose and a nice winter hat cuz my head is going to be cold!! I do have a baseball hat a friend gave me - it's pink and says W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity). That'll do for a bit!
I'm looking forward to the wedding at the end of the month - I do have a wig for that and my wonderful hairdresser is going to comb it out and fluff next week so it'll all be ready. Guess I won't need to see her for a while afterwards!
Already thinking about Christmas and presents - Amazon is going to be my new bestest friend I think. I already get dog food/cat food and various pantry supplies from there - love the home delivery and have gotten gifts there before. Clicking is so much easier than shopping in a store - especially when I get light-headed and tired so easily.
This too shall pass - and I'm further along the road than I was a few weeks ago!
Today Bry is going to clip my hair short after I take scissors to the long parts! Might as well as it's falling out anyway. I need to get some headscarves I suppose and a nice winter hat cuz my head is going to be cold!! I do have a baseball hat a friend gave me - it's pink and says W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity). That'll do for a bit!
I'm looking forward to the wedding at the end of the month - I do have a wig for that and my wonderful hairdresser is going to comb it out and fluff next week so it'll all be ready. Guess I won't need to see her for a while afterwards!
Already thinking about Christmas and presents - Amazon is going to be my new bestest friend I think. I already get dog food/cat food and various pantry supplies from there - love the home delivery and have gotten gifts there before. Clicking is so much easier than shopping in a store - especially when I get light-headed and tired so easily.
This too shall pass - and I'm further along the road than I was a few weeks ago!
Thursday, September 14, 2017
2nd Treatment
Today my blood work was fine, I hadn't lost any weight over the week and that's good too, even though I do want to lose about 5 more pounds as safely as possible! So treatment 2 went forward.
On a somewhat down note, I showered, washed my hair and as I was combing it out, handsfull (literally) of hair came along with the comb. I was told it was going to happen but as late as last night, I hadn't noticed any real hair loss but WOW today! And every time I touch it or run my fingers through it, more is gone. Oh well - it's hair, it will grow back - eventually! I do have a wig but don't plan on wearing it much. I have a baseball hat a friend gave me - W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity) that will probably get some wear and I've seen some lovely scarves and of course a cool knit hat for winter!
On a positive note: The Dr. and I agreed that the 3rd treatment is going to be pushed back a week so that I will be able to attend my son's wedding. It would have been only two days before, with day 3 always being the most miserable day. This way, I'll be fine, get an extra week chemo free and be able to meet, greet and enjoy - in my new wig! :) I just don't want bald pictures for their wedding!
All in all, I have whined and complained and felt blah and weak and dizzy at times but I'm OK and I'm going to be better than ever! It's still definitely a process and the process is a production!
PS got my temporary handicapped placard today too - the plastic, laminated one will be mailed but the paper one will work until then. Most of the time I'm able to walk without any problems, but some days it's a chore! Will make it easier!
On a somewhat down note, I showered, washed my hair and as I was combing it out, handsfull (literally) of hair came along with the comb. I was told it was going to happen but as late as last night, I hadn't noticed any real hair loss but WOW today! And every time I touch it or run my fingers through it, more is gone. Oh well - it's hair, it will grow back - eventually! I do have a wig but don't plan on wearing it much. I have a baseball hat a friend gave me - W.I.N.O.S (Women in Need of Sanity) that will probably get some wear and I've seen some lovely scarves and of course a cool knit hat for winter!
On a positive note: The Dr. and I agreed that the 3rd treatment is going to be pushed back a week so that I will be able to attend my son's wedding. It would have been only two days before, with day 3 always being the most miserable day. This way, I'll be fine, get an extra week chemo free and be able to meet, greet and enjoy - in my new wig! :) I just don't want bald pictures for their wedding!
All in all, I have whined and complained and felt blah and weak and dizzy at times but I'm OK and I'm going to be better than ever! It's still definitely a process and the process is a production!
PS got my temporary handicapped placard today too - the plastic, laminated one will be mailed but the paper one will work until then. Most of the time I'm able to walk without any problems, but some days it's a chore! Will make it easier!
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